Aggressive suicide

Should you ever have the pressing urge to commit suicide, you may as well go out with a bang. Make it an aggressive suicide as the events leading up to this sporadic flutter of madness in your mind we clearly unkind to you. So why worry when you won’t be around to suffer the repercussions of your actions post-demise.

Loosing at a game of cards, despite your latest and greatest techniques to cheat, scheme and plot your way to the win-you end up loosing it all. Your house, your car, your wife and kids. The gamblers dream is not all it cracked up to be. When it all boils down you’re going to find in the end a rope is a rope but a gun is a mans best friend. Aggressive suicide it up, aggressive suicide now!

Aggressive suicide now

Go completely bananas, wound yourself in the most expressive and outrageous of ways whilst drawing maximum attention to yourself before you throw the towel in. Aggressive suicide time; Run into a supermarket and attempt to swallow a whole grapefruit. When that fails…… and it will-shoot yourself in the face whilst screaming “Cheadle’s Mint……Aaaaahhhh”.

Fireproof Lamination

This is important, one could underestimate the usefulness of fireproof lamination when it is absolutely necessary.

You’ll never guess that I required fireproof lamination on my playing cards as I was literally ‘on fire’.

You could have easily mistaken me for Denzel Washington (starring in man on fire)-my cards were so hot, other players thought they were stolen.

Fireproof lamination cards

Now is your chance to bag yourself a pack of fireproof lamination playing cards!

Word on the fleet street is that Harry Potter inside the goblet of fire could have done with this fireproof lamination tactic in which to battle lord voldermort.

Kurt Russel in Backdraft would have been ultra pleased with this, as you never know when you need to deal some cards whilst rescuing someone from a burning building

Deal out the cards when in Chariots of fire.

Let this be a preaching from me, for all card players, epecially the smoking ones, lest your cards never be destroyed because you’re on fire that night-remember them for all time with fireproof lamination.

Could you gamble on the funnies of the football nation that we are?

Personally I think you could walk into a bookmaker and place a bet on a funny football event occurring, not only that you’d probably get amazing odds

You probably want to know the things to be betting on, well as far as funny football goes we can surely guarantee that Didier Drogba will surely commit to some absolutely outrageous action which will surely see him sent off the football pitch within the first week of the premiership. Good odds there for that funny football moment.

Personally I can guarantee that Roque Junior will be absolutely mad this season without fail, would the bookies take such a bet. I think they just might, don’t think your odds would be that good on this one though guys.