Aggressive suicide

Should you ever have the pressing urge to commit suicide, you may as well go out with a bang. Make it an aggressive suicide as the events leading up to this sporadic flutter of madness in your mind we clearly unkind to you. So why worry when you won’t be around to suffer the repercussions of your actions post-demise.

Loosing at a game of cards, despite your latest and greatest techniques to cheat, scheme and plot your way to the win-you end up loosing it all. Your house, your car, your wife and kids. The gamblers dream is not all it cracked up to be. When it all boils down you’re going to find in the end a rope is a rope but a gun is a mans best friend. Aggressive suicide it up, aggressive suicide now!

Aggressive suicide now

Go completely bananas, wound yourself in the most expressive and outrageous of ways whilst drawing maximum attention to yourself before you throw the towel in. Aggressive suicide time; Run into a supermarket and attempt to swallow a whole grapefruit. When that fails…… and it will-shoot yourself in the face whilst screaming “Cheadle’s Mint……Aaaaahhhh”.

Fireproof Lamination

This is important, one could underestimate the usefulness of fireproof lamination when it is absolutely necessary.

You’ll never guess that I required fireproof lamination on my playing cards as I was literally ‘on fire’.

You could have easily mistaken me for Denzel Washington (starring in man on fire)-my cards were so hot, other players thought they were stolen.

Fireproof lamination cards

Now is your chance to bag yourself a pack of fireproof lamination playing cards!

Word on the fleet street is that Harry Potter inside the goblet of fire could have done with this fireproof lamination tactic in which to battle lord voldermort.

Kurt Russel in Backdraft would have been ultra pleased with this, as you never know when you need to deal some cards whilst rescuing someone from a burning building

Deal out the cards when in Chariots of fire.

Let this be a preaching from me, for all card players, epecially the smoking ones, lest your cards never be destroyed because you’re on fire that night-remember them for all time with fireproof lamination.

Could you gamble on the funnies of the football nation that we are?

Personally I think you could walk into a bookmaker and place a bet on a funny football event occurring, not only that you’d probably get amazing odds

You probably want to know the things to be betting on, well as far as funny football goes we can surely guarantee that Didier Drogba will surely commit to some absolutely outrageous action which will surely see him sent off the football pitch within the first week of the premiership. Good odds there for that funny football moment.

Personally I can guarantee that Roque Junior will be absolutely mad this season without fail, would the bookies take such a bet. I think they just might, don’t think your odds would be that good on this one though guys.

I bet you 20 green queens that I gamble more than you do. See, its already happened. If you’re reading this post and didn’t gamble about 4 seconds ago then technically I gamble more than you-by the way you probably owe me 20 notes so pay up. You can send the money later-I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on this occasion.

I had an epiphany the other night that you can pretty much bet on anything-just get down to the bookmakers and place the bet. I play a lot of pro-evolution soccer on the PS3. Can you see where this is going? If you didn’t take a can of SKOL and drink it-you’re clearly not thinking straight.

So we’re talking about betting on games of Pro-Evo. The games are played on-line and the teams and contestants are taken into account when giving the odds-it will be a website which you can log on-to watch the games-place mid game bets, the website will even send out business mailing lists to its on-line members and players.

There is potential for a cash cow inception monopolisation situation. Beautiful. Got to love this idea-so i’m just throwing it out there-ideas my way for some queen heads!

I am so security conscious when it comes to my ‘coin’. Because I’m all about ‘that paper’ I don’t mind depleting my bank roll to protect my well gotten gains from any thieving tools who intend to take golden cheddar from my premises.

If you decide to step your game up in the security sector of your endeavour for true gambling one-ness then you need to invest in some cameras. These ward off those who prey on the more fortunate by simply their presence as nobody wants to be spotted committing acts of thievery.

I’m into my technology as much as I am into my gambling antics- the ideal purchase for me has got to be IP security Cameras for reasons such as connectivity-they connect via IP so they can join onto you existing home network hub/switch/router.

Once connected the feed can be viewed from your computer with a huge level of control, not only that, the feeds will be viewable from anywhere as the feeds effectively will be on the internet providing your network has internet connection. These are an absolute winner in my opinion-one should never go without security in ones life-especially if one is fond of cash!

Gambling is an affliction which is awesome when you’re not surprised by anything. So when indulging in a spot of gambling in a casino per say, you could do without being disturbed when your chips are down and you’ve got a sweetheart of a hand, and are going for the winner that will buy you tomorrows food. When…… All of a sudden a masked masquerade of club wheedling hoodlums smash the table up and you’re sweetheart of a winning hand has turned into prom night max factor disaster when all bets are off for the night.

They should have installed the best intruder alarm systems in the business-should one never worry about missing that opportunity ever again.

So you’re at home on a Sunday night and fancy doing something constructive before work Monday morning. Constructive would require cash. Quick cash is gambled cash. So where do you get your hands on this aside from a casino….. Your mates!

That’s right I said it, get your friends involved, I’m sure they wouldn’t think twice about taking your hard earned cash away from you had you placed a stupid bet.

Get them round and get a game of cards on the go; the game I would go for would be poker (Texas) or 10 card rummy with jokers as explained in an earlier post.

But you need an edge-everyone wants an edge on the competition. Scheme, scheme, plot, plot, you’re going for that number 1 spot. Whilst you are mid game orchestrate some bizarre scenario where your residential fire sprinklers system is highly sensitive. Tell Dave to start smoking or you’ll plant him. As soon as that sweet smoke hits the sensor it’s wet curtains for everyone.

Inevitably your guests will be shocked as you weep to them you have to buy a new Persian rug for £10,000-they’ll soon pay up just out of good will. At this point you may have a wet house but, if the plan comes off your laughing

Information is knowledge and knowledge is power, power is control. Everybody wants control. When comes the time and you have a fleet of card counters travelling up and down the country. You set up the venues-send them out and you take your cut. Now that is power eh? Not that anyone ever does this but we can aspire to be above and beyond our imagination. There are things which would make this dream somewhat easier!

I’ve heard of something which we can use to our advantage. There are anywhere between 20-25 million road users a day in the UK, now lets say your empire has caught up to your imagination maybe even surpassed it. You have 70 drivers. That’s right 70, don’t ask me why not 60 or 80-70 drivers sounds right. If you had a Vehicle tracking system you’d be able to know where and what your drivers are up to. Not only that you could streamline your entire process.

Streamlining is the key-in order to streamline you’ll need the information and this comes from the vehicle tracking system which gives you the knowledge-stemmed from that comes power and that’s what we’re about. This information which tracks where vehicles are, routes they’re taking, average speed, mileage, fuel consumption. A quick interpretation of this data accumulated over a period of time would show trends. Now’s time to play to your strengths, avoid your weaknesses but lest we not forget streamline for power.

A sure bet if you’re a gambler is the snooker- got to love it.

If you’re a fan of the snooker then i’ve got a tip for you.

Follow a player called Mark Selby-aka the ‘The Jester from Leicester’.

This whipper-snapper is playing well so far and eased himself through the econd round of the world championships last week with a comfortable 10-6 win over Ricky Walden.

Currently Selby is stepping to John Higgins beat.

The game opening frames yesterday say Selby smash 3 frames in whilst Higgins sat down and flooded himself with the jug of water.

Higgins aswered right back with 3 frame winning breaks forcing Selby into the back seat.

Continued in Pt.2

So now you think you can rummy me do you. So i’m going yo ask you the question-

Do you feel lucky……. well do you…….? Punk!

I’m going to answer the question for you and say that even if you are feeling lucky-i’ve been playing for about 10 years and i’ve only ever made it twice and seen one done 4 times-i’ve played many a good player and still not seen frequent rummying-plainly due to the problem that it can take rather long to win. In this rather long time the chances are you will probably loose-but its worth a go if you fancy our chances.

One more thing to remember-you can only win when it is your turn-so if you realise that you have won already but your go has passed-you must wait until it comes round to you again. If this happens but someone else wins before it gets back to you-you will accrew 100 points for holding a winning hand and not declaring winner-this is done due to the fact that people started playing in league with each other-holding fire so someone else can win by default.